Tuesday, June 26, 2007

GETTING BODIED AT THE BARRE: My Quest for a Bootylicious Butt

Please welcome my girl Dana to the madness that is Ignorant Art. Dana and I went to this class called Pure Barre. It's the newest celebrity fitness craze and, while painful, works your muscles so good that you'll have that bangin' summer body in no time. Here is her take on the torture--er, I mean barre techniques--that we tried out at a yoga studio right here in the District.

I must have screamed out every profanity known to man in English, Spanish and Italian. After taking Pure Barre classes at Inspired Yoga I was reminded of why I never became a ballerina (the pain factor of the class alone definitely trumped the traumatizing experiencing of having my weave fall out in ballet class as my horrified, 8 year old, Caucasian colleagues watched in terror.)Although a bit heavy on the thighs (a whole lot of shaking and baking going on) I already have a nice athletic body shape, but for a diva like myself, it is not enough. I want sexy legs like Amerie (actually I think I got that covered), sculpted arms like Ciara, a killer stomach like Janet Jackson, and a bootylicious booty like Beyonce (um…not sure my body type will allow for this but I up for the challenge, realistically I will settle for Megan Goode’s gluteus maximus). I want that Janet Jackson circa 1990’s “If” video body that will make men come home early from work, pay all my bills, and beg for mercy (Lordhammercy!) Well, you get the point. In my quest for the perfect body (and fulfilling my lost long dream of being a dancer sans the bad weave job) I have taken Kundalini Yoga, Tribal Bellydance, Flamenco, Indian Dance, Salsa, Beginner Adult Ballet, Tango, Exotic Dance, Pole, Sexual Tai Chi, and even a Hawaiian Hula class. Always looking for the latest trend, I decided to take a note from the celebrities and raise the barre by taking classes at Pure Barre.

Arming myself with a water bottle, Jackie-O sunglasses and fashionable workout clothes (if fashionable includes a wife beater and booty shorts LOL), I was convinced this class would be easy. I am thinking, “Do a plie' here, degage in 5th position, step-ball-change, jazz hands, and spirit fingers at the close…yeah…I got this.”I thought I knew…I had no idea.Pure Barre Technique is an intense and exhilarating core workout (read: even the most fit yogi will be screaming for his mama.)

The 55-minute class fuses Lotte Berk exercises, dance, yoga and Pilates for a challenging, high-energy workout. It begins with an upper-body warm-up with weights and move to the ballet barre for thigh, seat and abdominal work. Each strength section is followed by stretches to create long, lean muscles. The barre, in particular, allows you to target specific areas that can be tricky to reach other kinds of exercises. Every move has a purpose as the class switchs its focus from arms to thighs to abs to back, so a whole session is necessary for a full-body experience.
Not only did I have a full body experience, but an out of body experience. Never in my life I have sweated as much (this even includes the dope 80’s party thrown by J/K Productions). Imagine sitting in a chair position (already tortured) and doing sets of exercises in this position while holding onto a barre. Imagine standing on your tiptoe, gripping the barre, as you sink your knees into a squat and then slowly (but repeatedly) tucking your but in just for a extra shot of pain in your lower thighs and your gluteus maximus. Imagine sitting beneath the barre, pushing up with your hands while lifting your heavy legs up using your abs.

Working my muscles to fatigue, my body started shaking, I stared sweating profusely, my face started to contort, I started to scream. If one did not know better they would have thought I was having a orgasm (rather a orgasm of pain!)

But wouldn't you know it… I survived the Pure Barre Class and all I have is the pain in my gluteus maximus to show for it. Despite the torture I breathed through all the difficult positions and actually completed the process (read MESSAGE!). I felt detoxified, elongated and most of all energized. In addition it is my prediction that I will be bootylicious in no time. I have already got a class pass.For anyone who is seeking for a different fitness experience try Pure Barre. Open to men and women this technique will have your muscle and skin tone glowing with perfection for the summer season.

As for me...I plan to look bootylicious in my Freakum dress by late July (uh, oh, uh, oh, uh, oh), Please believe...I will have the picture posted on facebook!

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"Pure Body is all about combining strength and flexibilty instead of just one or the other for a a balanced body"- Carrie Rezabek, founder of Pure Barre

1 comment:

roxeli said...

I just completed the Pure Barre DVD workout. Here I was proud of my strength training achievements and then I tried Pure Barre and, I too, got all shaky. Great workout. I highly recommend it.